Fucking typical sheep of The Warehouse. Screw your ass!So, I just wanted to express my concerns over what SHEEP Kiwis are, including myself. So if you think I'm dissing everybody except myself, think again cos I will include myself right in her with all the other Kiwis' asses. So here's this pic of the freaking typical The Warehouse. OK, I don't know what I'm gonna say. That bloody gorgeous song from Coldplay that makes me crave the night-time views of Osaka has just come up on the radio and I am jealous as hell of anybody who has a front-row seat to the Coldplay concert cos they have a VISA card and I fucking don't. But more jealous of any person who has alliances and connections to Chris Martin or Guy Berryman. Guy is sooooo hot! Far hotter than Chris, who isn't even that hot but has that sexy voice that resembles my sexy icon Jude Law. Chris seems like a bit of a cock, like he's really uninterested in the fans and the press, but who can blame him, right? Of course you would rather favour bloody Miley Cyrus cos she's so well connected and established and wants to marry his British ass and her dad made up that gay song from back in the days. But you can tell he secretly enjoys the fact that the paps are crawling up his arse. How boring life would be otherwise, right??? If he didn't get any attention then that would mean he's a fucking uninteresting and fugly loser who nobody would give a cow's tit about and he would just seep back into what depressing world he's made for himself which inspires his beautiful, depressing music. And if he didn't marry that Gwyneth Paltrow chick then he would be just that lonely pre-pubescent weak-looking guy he was in that 'Yellow' videoclip, you know what I'm talking about! Now he can wear that military soldier jacket and sweat his ass off to the brim on stage and everybody just wants to fucking drool into his pants. See, he's smart. He took advantage of the people that could make him into this genius and he did it well. He took a piece of that sexual pizzazz from the people who already had it and it worked to his favour. So, his kids actually are cute cos he found himself a decent-looking wife. He didn't have to go searching in the suburbs for some average-ass overweight slob. Like me.Okay, what the fuck??? How did I get off this tangent about The Warehouse and then ranted on about Chris Martin and his luck and his life??? OK, I need to get back on topic. Real quick.OK, so what I was saying was, how typical and sheep-like NZers are. We all go to the fucking mall and go to K-mart and The Warehouse and Farmers and buy the same shit as the person next to us. And it's not just big trash-ass shops like that. I'm talking about everything else as well. What we eat, where we go, what we think is fucking-ass cool. If the sun's shining then everybody packs up the crowd in the family people-mover and head to the dirtiest, overcrowded, contaminated beach and lays out their fat dumpy thighs smothered in Johnson's Holiday Skin fake tan moisturiser shit hoping to get like the Brazilian international models they'll never be and eat disgusting mutton sausages wrapped up in a piece of sandwich bread with squirtings of home-brand ketchup and luncheon-ham sandwiches containing nitrates and which have been dropped on the floor. OK, I'm a fucking bitch. You know, I was listening to the radio once and some typical-ass Kiwi mother was ranting on about how she and her family go down to the beach and buy fish and chips across the road then they eat it sandwiched between white bread and butter. WTF?!?! That's sick!!! But that's what we are, lazy slobs who go to the extremes of unhealthiness and do things that are just wrong cos it makes us feel good. Trust me, I've never gone on a voluntary jog before. And there's this one lady who catches the bus from the really gangsta ghetto area of my suburb and she's always carrying a massive bottle of Diet Coke and nothing else and she's obese. You just wonder sometimes why people do that. If she used her brain then she wouldn't even need that solo bottle of chemical shit. I bet she gets her husband to buy all the fatty crap from the wholesalers so then the public would somehow think that she's such an amazing person carrying around just a bottle of Diet Coke and none of those Maccas and KFC greaseballs that's she's already indented into her belly. OK, I have gone off the subject again. You know, I just came back from the supermarket and found my prime example of what I'm trying to say here about Kiwis and their shitty little habits. The place where the parentals do the grocery shopping is the most typical, suburbian hole ever cos there really is nothing that's better. The shopping centre, if you can call it that, is just a supermarket and a dodgy 'ethnic' foodcourt and a 'ethnic' 123 $ store and as pictured, 'The Warehouse', as well as an old frumpy ladies store and some other shit. It's just soooooooooo fucking heinous, like, think of something better and stop spending taxpayers money on irrelevant shite like building the hole in the first place. So I went into the supermarket and can I just say perfect timing on the day I'm writing this, all the infested school kids have just gotten off school for the holidays. Yes, as in, the streets and the ghetto and the town will be kid-infested everyday for the next 6 fucking weeks. So anyway, I was in the supermarket with all the people you don't really wanna be seeing at all. And all the grannies were doing their shopping, which meant that my blood boiling point could well have just been pushed over the edge. I don't dislike grannies, but I have to admit that ever since working at that horrible pimp and ho bar, my views on them have changed for the worse. Ha, I totally contradicted myself there. And I don't have any grannies or grandpas myself, which totally allows me to be more opinionated and bitchy than I already am. It's like people say, you can diss your own ethnicity but you can't diss something you're not. I'm no racist by the way, I quite like all the flavours of this multicultural-as society (sometimes). But when racial conflict arises, well then, get me outta this multicultural-as hole. But that's all M-C countries, right? So there I was at the SM, eyeing up all the delicious looking pastries and chocolates and cakes which I won't be eating this Xmas due to lack of $$$ and my fat arse, and then when I got to the bit of eyeing up the cream and custard, this dumb kid who's mother was obviously a careless woman, stepped on my fucking toe on purpose cos the little shit wanted to run her ass against the edge of the fridge. Why do kids have a fucking desire to meaningless shit like that? I mean, I probably ran my hand against the fridge when I was a little shit myself, but I didn't try and harm the public's toes! GODDDDDDDD. And then you know when you're trying to get ahead walking up the aisle and there's this family with pushy, annoying kids not allowing you to get your solo ass up the aisle. And they walk alongside you like you're their parent. Fuck off! That's why I never get close to anybody who doesn't look fuckable or steamy like Jude Law. Well, there are none of those in this gay little country, so I never get close to anybody. Oh, hang on a sec, I do like to get close to chicks who have amazing bodies, just so I can take it as an example of thinspiration, even though I'm no leggy, 5'10 blonde with blue eyes and amazing bone structure that I'll never, ever get even if I tried to melt away my fat with a soldering iron which I used in fucking intermediate. I'm off my topic again! Actually, the supermarket isn't really a good example. Well, let's try Xmas in the Park. I never ever went there, by the way. It's an event where 25,000 people turn up to listen to and sign Xmas carols. And bring along their Warehouse seats and beach towels and Diet Coke and fish and chips and bulk-grocery lollies. I honestly blame TV ads for this typicalisation of Kiwis. It's always what 'Kiwis love', and all that silly propaganda. Give me a breaaaak! Stop trying to raise your future generations with 'I love meat' ads and 'growing the future's bones' with your milk-guzzling antics. Nobody needs to hear it. I myself am a victim. When I was young and I heard milk was 'good' for you, I drank it glass by glass every single day. But now I've got the broadest shoulders like a 30 year old male and big tits cos of that fucking propaganda that ruined my life. Not to mention, ripples on my stomach cos that's what milk does to you, it MAKES YOU A DAIRY-LOVING FATTY. But those ripples have slightly disappeared since I stopped. Well, the Skinny Bitch book by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin put me in my place. I'm no vegan, but I became correctly informed about the dangers of dairy, so I'm not convinced to go on a milk or cheese or yoghurt rampage like I used to back in the day. I'm over this blog. Now, I'm just gonna put a couple of pics to reinforce my not very strong points about Kiwis being typical and sheep-like.Sausage-ass sizzle, sausage-ass sizzle. TYPICAL AS TYPICAL. Get me a sheep costume.
2 Comments
December 19, 2008 at 4:00 am
By the way, this blog totally fucked itself up when my PC froze. So now it’s deleted all this other stuff I wrote and a cool picture of Kiwis buying mutton sausages at a sausage sizzle and now my blog has finished itself mid-way. I guess that writing about this shit only turns back on me. Not surprised, though. Not the first time it’s happened! I swear some mutton-loving, Diet-coke drinking aficionado deleted it.
December 19, 2008 at 11:45 pm
OMG yussssss, 2nd Coldplay concert which I am sooooo gonna do my best to get a hot-ass ticket! And I was sooooo right about my theory of Chris Martin and his former geekiness, I read this article today about how he liked a girl called Victoria when he was 17 who didn’t like him and then he bought her Cadbury Mini Eggs which is soooooo fucking cute but she didn’t like it, nasty girl. She must be kicking herself in her nuts right now, knowing that he’s become what he is. Geeks can make it as well, ya know. That gives me a slight sense of hope.